everythingemily

It was a regular Tuesday night when my mom called my siblings and I down for a family meeting.  Her voice was ominous, as I’d heard this tone before at three years old when my parents announced they were getting divorced.

As we all made our way downstairs the lights were dim, the house was quiet, and the mood was grim. It was pretty obvious what was happening, as my mom and step-dad had been arguing often. He had been consistently missing dinner, and she previously had a brief conversation with me a few weeks prior that I disregarded, as I assumed they would work things out and never actually separate. 

      

As my mom and step-dad broke the news, my heart sank. I looked at my older brother as he glanced at me with a mix of worry and fear.  That night was the only time I’ve ever seen him cry. When my step-dad left that night, I shared a moment with my older sister and my older brother, and hugged them tightly. Afterwards my sister left because she just couldn’t be there anymore. Following that night, the house always seemed empty. My brother at college, my sister always working, and my mom always seemed to keep herself busy. 

        

Ever since my parents originally divorced, it has never felt as though I’ve been fully grounded. I have had to pack a bag and move between my two houses three to four times a week. Doing this has led me to become pretty good at adapting to where I am, as I’ve had to do it so often, though it has been hard to avoid thinking that nothing would ever last. My life has never been constant, there always had to be change. One of the aspects of my life I felt was the most stable had suddenly collapsed, and it happened before I could even bring myself to notice. 

 

The months following this were most difficult. The person I thought of as another dad suddenly left, from living with me for thirteen years, to becoming a stranger. The moments I cherished with him became solely memories, and his presence became awkward. He was not only a father, but a role model. One of my favorite things we did was playing tennis together. He was my coach, and I began to play with him again a while after they separated. My mom always seems tense with me seeing and spending time with him, which makes holding a connection with both of them difficult. 

 

Though this was one of the most difficult times of my life, I truly believe that something positive comes out of everything. For example, my mom and my dad had never been extremely friendly, and they seem to get along much better now. I also think that one of the best ways to learn is through mistakes, of my own or others. In this case, I think that seeing all this change, anger, and separation in my life has made me far more genuine with my connections and relationships. I prioritize my friendships, actively listening when they need me. I understand the kids I work with a lot better, being able to put myself in their shoes when they are struggling, which helps me build relationships with them. I am always there for my siblings, for example, when my younger sister needs help with her math homework, I am there. 

 

It is so important to not let small things build up into larger problems. This can be applied to relationships with people or with everyday life. How the little wins, and upholding my values and relationships have lifted me up into being a far more honest and genuine person. Overall, I think this had a positive effect on my life and was worth the pain it caused. It made me stronger and a happier, more thoughtful person.